Pirate in a bar
A old pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the old pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate matey, “We were in a battle at sea against a enemy frigate and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another pirate raid and we boarded the enemy galleon. I was in a sabre fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” says the old pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”
“Well,” says the old pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”